Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
