i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
