a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
