Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
