do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
