who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We're facebook friends in real life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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