that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
