waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
