did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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