My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
