Are we in a gay sports bar?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
