he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
