The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
