Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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