Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
