We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
