We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
