i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
