I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
