Cold hands, warm shart.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
