his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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