so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
