You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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