The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
