I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
