a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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