Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
