**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
