PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
