Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
