i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
