you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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