May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
