a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
