Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
