i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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