is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
