our cab driver is having phone sex.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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