sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
