i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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