I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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