He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
