I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Randomize
