The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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