i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
