We're facebook friends in real life
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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