Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
