do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
