somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
