If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
