booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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