this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
