I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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