I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
