You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
