who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
