well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
